A Beleaguered Dad

A friend recently confided about his family life.

His family is falling to pieces, he says.

He fights with his wife over the littlest things. “She knows which button to press to trigger my anger,” he cries. She demands, she nags, she controls – all because of jealousy.

It is bad enough that he was at loggerheads with her. But that his children have become distant, almost hostile was something he could not take.

He loves his kids to death, he says. They are the reason he works “my ass off” at a full-time job and double consultancies. So he can send them to the best schools, buy them their hearts’ desire, take them out to fun places.

He thought it wasn’t fair all of them were taking their Mom’s side.

I responded with sympathetic little noises until I remembered something I read about dads which I repeated to him: “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”

The question “Do you?” hung in the air.

My friend turned purple and couldn’t speak for a minute. Then he excused himself and left my room.

Love, romantic love, is often a “novelty” that passes.

People decide to marry to spend more time together. But they find soon enough that things come between them . They are separated by the morning coffee, the evening news on TV, the sometimes problematic children. By dirty plates piling in the sink. By utility, insurance, and credit card bills.

So couples fall out of love eventually. But it is at this point that they can truly love. A love that’s no longer a feeling (a helpless one) but a decision (a willful one).

Husband and wife choose to love, even when the loving feeling has run out, for many good reasons. It is the right thing to do. It is the mature, the courageous thing to do.

And it is the best thing they can do for their children.

(first published in Pinoy Moms Network and expanded for this blogsite.)