REMEMBER WHEN? (My Spotty Mom Record - Part 2)

Caught daughters the other day and tried to extract true confessions and confirmations on the "spotty mom record."

Mom and daughters ended up reminiscing and playing a game: REMEMBER WHEN?

It went like:

REMEMBER WHEN daughter went home from school heartbroken? She failed to make it to the grade 1 relay team though she puffed and huffed her heart out during try-outs. Mom promptly wrote teacher a letter which began: "Dear Ms. Cruz, do you want to make a little girl happy?" The next day, daughter was called into the team! (Lesson: The pen is mightier than huff and puff.)

REMEMBER when daughter almost didnt have her grade 2 class picture taken because the sun perversely played hide-and-seek? The day began as a bright summer day. Just as the girls were practicing to smile for the camera, rains fell, gentle at first, then in torrents, forcing everyone to run back to the room. After waiting an hour, the sun showed itself again and the girls trooped out again, cheering as they took their places. As the photographer prepared to click -- uh oh -- the heavens poured again. This frustrating thing happened two more times. Exasperated, the teacher announced picture taking was cancelled for the day, even as she demanded from the class: "Sino ba ang may balat sa puwet?" (Who among you has a birthmark on the butt?)

One hand came up. Daughter's hand -- who else's?

Back home, daughter still puzzled over why classmates almost died laughing. "I just told the truth lang naman eh." (Lesson: Teach children to tell the truth, but not when it comes to balat and especially balat in the you-know-what.)

REMEMBER WHEN daughter came home in tears from teasing? Some classmates called her Babsie -- an allusion to Babalu (remember the Dolphy sidekick after Panchito died?) Mom looked and looked for prominence in daughter's chin with the precision that her less than 20-20 vision could ill afford her and said: "Ang ganda nga eh." When the namecalling and the tears persisted the next days, Mom knew extradordinary measures were called for. To begin with, she demanded an inventory of hooligan classmates' imperfections. Mom then scripted choice one-liners using bungi (broken-toothed), bobo (dull-witted), and maraming kuto (with louse-infested hair) which she asked daughter to memorize for the next time teasers teased again. Daughter delivered the lines perfectly and since then never came home in tears again. (Lesson: Teach children to show teeth, too, even when all they have are milk teeth.)

REMEMBER WHEN daughter was about to attend her first formal party? Mom accompanied daughter to SM to choose a gown. After daughter tried on maybe a thousand gowns, she was mercifully, finally down to two choices 10 minutes before store closing time. Daughter sweetly asked Mom which outfit she preferred. Flattered, Mom chose the dreamy pink number (with a cowl neck and clouds of lace ) over the straight, maroon ankle-long backless she thought was too matured for a teenager. Daughter skipped happily to the counter to check out the maroon outfit, blissfully unaware as a mommy jaw dropped to the floor. (Lesson: Moms can still be useful when shopping for clothes even though her taste is considered bulok as long as she's prepared not to be pikon).

REMEMBER summers when daughters would be talking till midnight, catching up on each other, giggling over some deep dark secrets? Mommy would be in the next bed, listening giddily not even daring to breathe. Then -- wrong timing naman -- Mommy felt she had to go to the bathroom. Not wanting to miss any juicy bit, she would request. "Pwede, pause muna kayo? Bathroom break muna ako." (Lesson: Daughters should come with PLAY and PAUSE buttons for maximum enjoyment of Moms.)

Those and other "remember whens" were supposed to conclude the mom in question was a weird one.

"Not cool mom?" the mom persisted hopefully.

"No, weird mom," they insisted.

The mom smiled. I am not sure why.