Joining pinoymomsnetwork compelled me to examine my record as mom.
Tentative conclusion: No matter how I try to whitewash it, it is spotty at best.
A few years ago, my eldest son told me (I can't remember what was the trigger): "Mommy, you didn't see me grow up. You were too busy with work and too absorbed monitoring my Dad."
Sakit (ouch)!
Then, he hurried to add: "But you're wonderful with A______ and A______" -- referring to my two youngest, both girls.
Awww. Wore that medal in the lapel of my heart.
I was just past 20 when I became mom for first time. Not too far removed from girlhood. Determined somehow to make something of self. And yes, sometimes so absorbed in making sure no one trespassed on property I felt was too good to be forever mine. Match that with the mommy job description -- and you don't get too much of a fit.
There were no parenting seminars in my time. No parenting books (that I knew of). Didn't even pause to wonder why there was little to prepare young women for that most critical and important of roles.
I let myself be guided by my own upbringing, by the say-so of my elders, by my intuitive ability to sift in and sift out, and, yes, my (very finite) capacity to love.
(Not sure if I can continue with this. oooh. See -- I began with a litany of excuses. )
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15 comments:
Your last paragraph just about nailed it, Anna. =)
I, too, have not attended a parenting seminar. I had all my life to be on the receiving end of one of the best.
Great post, Anna. =)
That's a tough remark to answer. But I'm sure being a mom for some years now, you'll have a ready answer to that. I'm sure you're doing your best for your kids. You may just have set high parenting standards for yourself. :)
Truly there is no guide to motherhood. We just go as we are and do what we know is best for our children.
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."
-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
.. and it's a pity kids don't come with instruction manuals :-)
You're right, it's purely instictive...and the way we raise our children are reflective of the ways we were raised.. well, most of the time !
I've got a long way to go but from what I've just read, I think you raised them well enough indeed.
no guides, no books, no parenting seminars, no schools, but no matter, we all still get through the continuing learning process of parenting, with flying colors.
if there were schools for parenting, they would run out of medals and honors to award each parent -- who is unique in each own way.
I think our parents didn't know any better . My parents were so controlling. I learned parenting from books and some from my upbringing.. Don't be hard on yourself.
only one thing i can say, moms are irreplaceable.
I guess parenting seminars kicked off not so long ago but parenting was done so long ago, many many years ago
I'm not a parent yet, or anytime soon, but I guess sometimes it comes from within
Knowing how and what is one thing, showing who we really are is another for they learn from us, every little thing they see in us, right
:)
If only babies come with a manual. :) Hehe!
I'm sure you did and still are doing a great job as a Mom Annamanila... even to your son. The fact that he could tell you that openly, it shows that he appreciates and understands you.
"I let myself be guided by my own upbringing, by the say-so of my elders, by my intuitive ability to sift in and sift out, and, yes, my (very finite) capacity to love."
truelaloo! Cheers!
Anna, my friend! I'm back! Buhay na naman ako! hehehe..
Oh, don't feel bad about your son's remarks. Like you, I have spots on my mom record too.. not just spots, but MANY, BIG SPOTS... There was a time when I got pressured with work, and I vented all my frustrations on my kids, especially the boys who were always fighting. I hit them with a belt. But I later apologized for it. Nothing wrong with apologizing to our kids, really. Until now, when we make 'kuwento' and we touch on that past, I apologize again. And I know this helps them recover from the trauma, knowing I was sorry for what i did.
Ms Anna,
Pls. don't be too hard on yourself. THe finite capacity to love--no parenting manual can ever ever teach that.
This reminds me of the spicy remarks I had made to my own Mom during her "spotty" moments. But hey, nobody's perfect. Children and parents learn and grow together, don't you think? :)
Hi Anna,
I just read your message and I am truly honored by your idea.
However, sadly, as much as I am flattered by your plan, I must humbly decline the offer.
It's just me, Anna. There is a reason why I am anonymous outn here. It's really a privacy issue.
I hope you understand.
Thanks for even considering me. That enough is an honor. =)
ahhh, your son said so, you were good with the girls! we learned over time and we got better.
i wasn't perfect as a mom either. i also spanked my kids when they little especially when they misbehaved, which i thought was the right thing to do.
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